The best email thread all year

Editor’s note: My good friend Nancy Goldstein was a finalist in the Washington Post’s “America’s Next Great Pundit” contest. She wrote to me and Sonal (my best friend-colleague-communications rockstar) for advice about the video shoot that was part of the contest. Here’s the ensuing email thread…

Nancy writes:

Subject: May I wear my glasses on video tomorrow?

I know that my headshot has me without them, but I’ve had so little sleep the last week that the circles under my eyes could go around Saturn twice.

I do have contact lenses. Should I wear them and hope that the makeup person (if they even have one) can do something about the circles, or just go ahead and stick with my glasses?

Mega-thanks, communications experts.


Sonal writes:

totally! i love your glasses.


Deanna writes:

Tough call. From my experience:

— my mom says my glasses give me the intelligent look I’m otherwise lacking. har har. but seriously, I think there’s something that says “smart person!” to people when they see bespectacled folks on the teevee. but your glasses are kind of tinted, aren’t they? that might look too mysterious on screen

— never assume there will be makeup. if you are near a sephora, go in and ask for Time Balm concealer for your eyes, even if you decide to wear your glasses.  how-to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuJtcWsNkmE (you don’t need a brush, just your finger.) also, get a little blush on your cheeks, too.


Sonal writes:

oh i didn’t realize that you’ve got tinty glasses. if they’re tinted, i think no.

also, great makeup tips - dz - i held off cuz i’m BROWN!


Deanna writes:

*bows*

this has been a production of the whitest grrly grrl ever


Nancy writes:

They’re not tinted: they’re transitional, which means that they turn dark in the sunlight, then go back to clear in the daylight. That said, it sounds like you’re both voting for no glasses no matter what.

RE: makeup.

GIRLS, I’M LIKE A TOTAL F***ING BUTCH-ESQUE DYKE. WHEN THE F*** HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME WEAR MAKEUP! I WOULDN’T KNOW HOW TO SMEAR SOMETHING WITH MY PINKY IF YOU PAID ME!!!

Ahem.

Do places like Sephora have chicks who will put that kind of stuff on for you? Or can you think of a place in DC that I can stop by before I have to be at the WaPo at 11 for taping that I could pay to do makeup for me?

Thanks, dolls. Where would I be without you?


Deanna writes:

Sephora will totally do it for you. But just in case, look at the video— I’m lookin’ out for ya, babe. Where’s the taping? Trying to think of who I know in DC who could schmear you beforehand…


Nancy writes:

Ack! Makeup! Ack! (I would have the same response if you asked me to look at a video re: how to use a bandsaw, btw).

I’m due in the lobby of the WaPo at 11am: they’re at 1150 15th Street NW


Sonal writes:

LOL nancy! suck it up and shellack those puppies with some girly goodness!! :-) the chicks at MAC are usually pretty awesome too, if there’s one that’s closer to the wapo building.


Nancy writes:

You’re both merciless.

WaPo building is at: 1150 15th Street NW. Ring any bells? Not trying to be a lazy jerk here: it’s just that DC’s street system has NEVER made sense to me, so I’m not sure how to look to see if there’s a MAC or Sephora close by.


Deanna writes:

Crap. I just looked and they’re both over in Georgetown. Let’s put this to FB & twitter for help…


Sonal writes:

i think i have an idea. there’s a spot called beauty 360 about .7 m away near dupont. calling now to see if they can do a consultation. stay tuned!


Deanna writes:

also, worst case: go to a drugstore and call me, and i’ll tell you what to buy. then tomorrow morning we’ll video skype and i’ll show you how to put it on.


Sonal writes:

so i booked you a “consultation” at beauty 360 at 1350 Connecticut Ave (at N St) for 10am tomorrow which is right when they open. I told them the sitch, you don’t want a ton of makeup just help with concealer to brighten your eyes. the consultation is free but she said they ask that you buy 1 product that they try on you… if you don’t want to go that route, the drug store option is always great :) OR you can just be like - i’m in a rush, i’ll be back! but then never go back! mwahahahhahhahhhahhahahahhhhahahhahhhh


Nancy writes:

You are a goddess. You are both goddesses. I can’t thank you enough. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you.

Um, should I TELL them which product to try on me? And if so, what?


Sonal writes:

here are the things i’d recc (feel free to jump in, whiteygrrlygrrl mcgee):

a little concealer under eyes and to even skin tone (you have awesome skin, you don’t need to get shellacked, i was jk earlier) - maybe even some on eyelids or a really natural eyeshadow to brighten
a little brushing of the eyebrows, maybe with some eyebrow gel
a little smudgy brown eyeliner
a bit of brown mascara
a little subtle blush
and maybe a neutral gloss or just balm on the lip

heck, not to be a jag, but bring in this pic on your cell — http://bit.ly/cFnBPf


Deanna writes:

yes to everything here, nothing more than this

Nancy writes:

Per [Nancy’s wife] Joan: this is like the most f***ing hilarious thread I’ve read all year. and you know I’ve read many.

OMG. Just opened the link to the  picture. Bains, you are HILARIOUS!